Cup Ramen
by Tsukiyomi the Kami
Summary: Kakashi didn't quite think you could do that with ramen, but hey, Anko was the sex expert here, and he had to make his last night with Sensei before the mission memorable. GaiKaka, YonKaka, for obsessivesyndrome, very mild lime


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(bangs-head-on-my-laptop) Dear god, I am so sorry this oneshot is like, a year late, obsessivesyndrome! Anywho, this is a follow-up to her fic, 'To the Rescue', that she requested (I actually requested TTR), and the requirements were: 1), Gai as a seme, 2), Kakashi and special sex technique with ramen, and, 3, Anko helping/screwing things up.

**Warnings**: Yaoi (YonKaka, which is_ adorable_), doing kinky things with ramen, and shota. Lemony content, as well.

**Disclaimer:** I'm thirteen. And I'm a girl. If I were K., I would make Kakashi and Jiraiya gang-bang poor Naruto with their nine-inch nails, so to speak, okay?

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"_It's only after you have anal sex that you wonder, 'Hey, why didn't he give me a god-damn reach-around?!'"_

-Anonymous  
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**Cup Ramen**

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_Kakashi didn't quite think you could do that with ramen, but hey, Anko was the sex expert here, and he had to make his last night with Sensei before the mission memorable. _[GaiKaka, YonKaka, for obsessivesyndrome

_-_

"No."

"Yes!"

"Na-uh."

"Please?!"

"In your wet dreams, baka."

"C'mon! Tell me!" Kakashi was nearing the end of his rope, as far as patience was concerned. Anko_ still_ wouldn't inform him of the secret to magical sex with Minato, and she _had_ promised to as soon as he'd bought her dango.His tight little kiddie ass thirsted for a thorough banging by his sensei's huge cock, and since the man was leaving for a mission tomorrow morning, he didn't have much time left, now did he? He leaned forward, eyes bright. "Pleeeeeeease?"

The purple-haired girl scowled, popping another of the dumplings into her mouth, then gobbling it down. "Okay, fine, I _will_, Kakashi-baka, but _first_... You gotta do me one last favour." She smiled, tilting her head ever so slightly, eyes wide like a child of the Korn.

"What?" Kakashi asked warily. Whenever Anko deigned it necessary to look like that, it meant someone was going to die, or wish they were.

"I'm getting to it," she blushed, sending her hand deep into her pocket, and withdrawing a small wallet made out of...Kakashi squinted..._ was that human skin_?! "Here," she withdrew a small, tattered picture and handed it to the boy.

Black hair in a bowl-cut around a ridiculously bulbous face? Check. Green spandex that clung and invaded every crevice so that you could tell if he'd shat or not? Check. Dull, cockroach-like black eyes? Check.

All in all, she'd just handed him a picture of his most despised annoyance, Maito Gai.

He glanced up, perturbed. "This kid stalking you or something? If you want me to pock him off because he annoys you, that's fine."

"No!" Anko yelled, then blushed, subduing herself. "I-I mean... I want you to... I've discovered he likes boys, and..."

Kakashi felt a dreadful sensation sink over him, like he was Jack, who'd just got dumped into the ice-cold water flooding the Titanic. "W-What?" He shivered. "What does that have to do with me?"

"I..." She gulped, rather uncharacteristically. "I want you to turn him on so I can bust in and show him how sexy I am, and then he'll forget all about you, and you can go and fuck your sensei, like you want to." She smirked. "And, I'll teach you what to do with the ramen to make your last night with Minato-baka memorable."

"H-hold on..." The boy's eyes were wide, fearful. "I thought you liked Orochimaru-sama."

Anko frowned. "I do, but seeing as he's gone all the time, I need a second love interest, right? Just like he fucked you, but still loves me more." She chuckled, clapping Kakashi on the back. "Which is why you're going to help."

"O-okay..." Kakashi licked his lips- he'd do anything for Minato-sensei! Just imagine how happy his teacher would be! Oh, yes, even if that meant he had to seduce Gai...

He shuddered. And, the boy wasn't even that _big_, if you looked through the spandex the right way.

Dammit.

Good thing he could act.

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Maito Gai was having a very bad day. 

Reason?

He had failed to complete his mandatory seven-hundred laps around Konoha! Oh, how sensei would be ashamed... The spandex-clad boy sank back against the training post and sighed. If only his eternal rival were here to get him back into the groove!

"Oi," someone said bluntly, right next to his ear. Gai let out a yelp, and spun around to see, think of the devil, Kakashi Hatake himself! And, the way his petite shoulders slanted in just the right way, the way his silver hair shone in the afternoon light...

Gai averted his eyes, blushing quite profusely. "O-oh, Eternal Soulma-I mean, Eternal Rival, what're you doing here?"

"Oh," Kakashi pouted, eyes becoming big, "I need a reason to visit my..." He looked crestfallen. "You're probably going to think this is silly, but..."

"What?" The taller boy asked, interest suddenly piqued.

"I-I-I like you, Gai-sama!" Kakashi practically flung himself at said boy, before a feral growl emitted the spandex-wearing ninja's lips, and he was flipped onto the ground.

"I'd have to say, Kakashi," Gai's fingers tugged at the material of Kakashi's mask and he bent down to kiss the boy. Kakashi was absolutely indignant- who had ever said he'd be _uke_ to this bastard? He struggled to push the genin off, but alas, Gai was too strong, "you surprise me with your forwardness. But, I'm happy to oblige. You're _scrumptious_."

The smaller boy gave an 'ummph' and his eyes widened- Gai's lips tasted like fucking pickles! Much to his horror, the other boy misinterpreted this as a sign of pleasure, and continued sucking on his face rather pathetically, all the while jousting him in the stomach with his hips, and a slowly-hardening bulge.

"Gai-kun!" A purple-haired beast tackled him, and Gai fell to the ground himself, while Kakashi scrambled to make himself look unflustered. 

"My Eternal Soulmate," Gai cried, struggling to remove himself from Anko, "why have you forsaken me?!" He looked absolutely betrayed, and Kakashi would have felt a smidgen of guilt, had he not been just what he was- Hatake Kakashi.

"Anko," he hissed, bending down to the girl's ear, "_where's my super-special sexy ramen technique?!_"

Said demon (it was too evil to be labeled a girl) scowled, and wrenched an envelope out of her pocket. "That is the answer to all of your questions. Now, leave me alone, so I can fuck Gai!"

"O-Okay." Kakashi definitely did _not_ want to see them bump uglies, so he sprang out of the training ground with all the quickness of a youth in his Springtime. He licked his lips once he came to a walk down the streets of Konoha, feet shuffling one after another in an almost conscious movement. The envelope that Anko'd given him- would it really tell him the secret to wonderful sex with Minato-sensei? What hallowed technique could it hold?

Fingers shaking, he pushed his nail up under the little licky-seal, and it broke off with a crackle. Kakashi gnawed the inside of his cheek in nervousness- this was what he'd been waiting for! His moment to get Minato wrapped around his finger once and for all!

He promptly yanked out the sheet of paper within- it was scrawled in messy hiragana and katakana. His eyes narrowed, and he began to read, pushing his back against the wall of one of Konoha's many businesses.

_Dear Kakashi-baka,_

Since you're such a sex-deprived moron, I've decided to provide you with this failsafe way of making sure your stupid sensei has the orgasm of his life. Here's the things you'll need: Ramen.

Yes, my dear psuedo-friend, that's all you'll need. Ramen. I bet you're thinking this is like some sort of bad-acting infomercial, where everyone's diverse and politically correct... But, as you know, I'm anything but. So, listen up.

You get the ramen, right? And, make sure it's boiling.

Kakashi, little do you know that my sensei's dick is fake, and that he actually has a three-inch-long wee wee. Yes, I have told you one of Orochimaru-sama's greatest secrets, so that Minato can raise his self-esteem and you can both thus enjoy a much happier romp.

So, the dick (my sensei's, that is) is made of a prosthetic waxy material. Obviously, by putting something hot on it, it'd melt, right? Yeah, I know. I'm a genius.

That's all you've got to do to help your sensei have a better orgasm. You could put cooked ramen up his ass and eat it out, but I'm not entirely sure you'd like doing that.

Yeah. So, do it.

I'm on PCP and I don't know where all my skin came from,

Anko.

_  
_Kakashi's eyebrows had, since the beginning of the letter, began a steady ascent upwards, and now they were so far up, he looked like that Gaara freak with no eyebrows that he technically wasn't supposed to know about, since the boy wasn't born yet.

But enough about that. He was sure sensei had some ramen, and together they could plod off to Orochimaru's right?

"Hey, Kakashi-kun?"

He just about jumped out of his skin when a heavy, tanned hand fell on his shoulder, and he spun about, only to crane his neck upwards and see his beautiful, sexy, big-dicked sensei. "O-oh... Minato-sensei..." The letter from Anko crumpled in his hand, and Kakashi stuffed it into his pocket, mind scrambling for something to say, "I was wondering if you wanted to follow me somewhere. It's a surprise!"

Minato raised a gorgeous blond eyebrow, grinned, and it was all Kakashi could do to keep from swooning. "Sure, Kakashi-kun..." He sounded mildly confused, but blonds had never been the sharpest kunai in the holster.

Ripping off his hitai-ate, Kakashi handed it to his sensei. "Here, it's a surprise, where we're going, so put this over your eyes."

The boy looked quite adorable with all his gray hair flopping in his face. Minato suddenly has the urge to fuck the boy in the ass- again. "All right," he chuckled, obeying, "but you're going to have to lead me so that I don't bump into anything."

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Orochimaru was quite surprised when the super-sexy Hatake Kakashi stood on his doorstep, hair flopping in an undeniably cute way. "I've come back for more," the boy announced, a cup of steaming-hot ramen in one hand.

Inside, the Sannin was screaming with joy ('_I get his tight ass again! Yay! Maybe we can do some kinky stuff this time!')_, and he, unsuspecting of any tricks, led the boy into his bedroom. "Of course, you sexy little thing, you..." His hands drifted down to Kakashi's crotch, but they boy swatted him away, coyly.

"Don't I get to take _your_ pants off first?"

Orochimaru will never admit this, but at his point in time, his heart melted. "Sure, sexy."

His pants slid off over a boner already forming. Kakashi giggled (he wasn't wearing underwear), and the last thing he could remember after thinking that the boy was _too_ sexy, was a blinding-hot, scorching pain on his crotch.

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"All right, Minato-sensei! You can come in now!"

The man's eyebrows drew together as he walked into Orochimaru's house. "Why are we in- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!"

Orochimaru lay bound and gagged, unconscious, on the tatami-mat floor. In place of his magnificent member, there was a three-inch stub and jewels that looked like peanuts.

"Kakashi," he asked slowly, blinking quite often and wondering if there had been mold on the toast this morning, "what did you do to Orochimaru's dick?"

Said boy looked up, innocent and grinning. "It wasn't real. It was a prosthetic wax extender, so I threw a cup of hot ramen on it, and it melted."

Arashi's wildest dreams had just come true! That snake fucking bastard, little student-raper, wasn't larger than him! He felt like laughing manically, but that might scare Kakashi and ruin his chances of fucking the boy. "This... this," he said tenderly, "is the best thing you've ever done, Kakashi-chan!"

It was a matter of a few minutes before he and the boy started fucking. Call it fate.

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"N-No! Anko, I love Kakashi!" Gai threw his head back in a moan, struggling vainly against the girl's mouth. He was betraying his relationship with Kakashi. "No! Anko, get off me! It hurts!" 

Anko gazed up at him serenely, and took another chunk out of his dick. This, my friends, is why Gai does not have a camel-toe in the anime. "Are you telling me you don't like dango on weenies?"

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Constructive Criticism greatly appreciated. (and I know that Gai_ does_ have a camel-toe. The question remains if he has ever boned Lee with it or not. 

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